UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient explains the plot of the film — loudly, in real time — to their companion, who has also seen the trailer. Predicts every plot twist incorrectly and with confidence. Has been shushed once. Responded 'sorry sorry sorry.' Resumed commentary ninety seconds later.
Chronic. Worsens during quiet dramatic beats.
None. The dialogue is, apparently, theirs to co-write.
Patients with Pathological Movie-Theater Commentary Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Pathological Movie-Theater Commentary Disorder — a pathological condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Commentarium film perpetua. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.