UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has set up a ring light and a pastel bib to film their 6-month-old trying avocado for the first time. Has filmed five takes. The baby has, by take three, lost interest. Patient has added a sound to the video that was popular in March. The caption is a full paragraph. The video got 47 likes.
Chronic. Every milestone receives the ring-light treatment.
Untreatable. The baby does not know about the ring light.
Patients with Pathological Instagram First-Foods Performance typically present with some or all of the following:
Pathological Instagram First-Foods Performance is a pathological behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Prima cibatio documentata publica — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.