UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient dropped their 3-year-old at preschool, felt a lump in the throat, checked the school's live camera feed at a red light, and cried for four minutes in the Starbucks drive-through. The 3-year-old is fine. The 3-year-old is, according to the live feed, eating a string cheese with great joy.
Chronic. First day of each new year resets the condition.
Untreatable. The drive-through drink was ordered through tears.
Patients with Advanced Separation-Drop-Off Anxiety typically present with some or all of the following:
Advanced Separation-Drop-Off Anxiety belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Relictio matutina horror maternalis, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.