UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient cannot leave a silence unfilled. A casual 'how are you?' from a neighbor triggers a 14-minute monologue covering their commute, the weather during said commute, a man they saw on said commute, and what the man was probably thinking. The neighbor has now missed their bus.
Deteriorates with listener politeness. Accelerates in elevators.
None. 'Is that the time?' has no structural effect.
Patients with Chronic Verbal Hydrant Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Verbal Hydrant Disorder belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Loquacitas infinita incontinenta, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.