UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has negotiated with their 6-year-old for 34 minutes about whether 14 more minutes of Paw Patrol is acceptable. Has invoked 'screen time rules' four times. Has been asked 'but why?' six times and does not have a satisfying answer. Has agreed to 22 more minutes. The rules, apparently, were drafted by a committee of one.
Chronic. The negotiation resets every day at 4:30 PM.
Untreatable. Patient cannot win a debate with a 6-year-old.
Patients with Chronic Screen-Time Negotiation Fatigue typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Screen-Time Negotiation Fatigue is a chronic behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Lassitudo negotiationis tabularum — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.