UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has told their 7-year-old 'no iPad' three times this afternoon while scrolling TikTok for 94 consecutive minutes on their own phone. The 7-year-old has noticed. The 7-year-old has not yet said anything. The 7-year-old is waiting for the right moment. It will come.
Chronic. The confrontation is imminent.
None. The TikTok was, apparently, research.
Patients with Acute Screen-Time Hypocrisy Guilt typically present with some or all of the following:
Acute Screen-Time Hypocrisy Guilt belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Culpa tabularis parentalis, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.