UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has been staring at an open Google Doc for 41 minutes. The cursor blinks. The cursor has blinked 2,460 times. Patient has not moved. Has not typed. Has watched three TikToks on a second monitor without remembering any of them. The doc is due in 22 minutes. The patient is not in the doc. The patient is not, currently, anywhere.
Chronic. Afternoons especially unreachable.
None. Coffee has no effect on the dissociation window.
Patients with Chronic Brain AFK Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Brain AFK Disorder belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Mens absentia digitalis, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.