UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient opens a full container of tuna pasta salad on the 7:42 AM commuter train. Uses no lid. Has a real fork. Maintains unblinking eye contact with anyone who turns toward the smell. The pasta, somehow, appears warm. It is February.
Unchanging. The pasta is the point.
Untreatable. Smell complaints are deflected with a shrug.
Patients with Catastrophic Commuter Pasta-Container Offense typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Catastrophic Commuter Pasta-Container Offense — a catastrophic condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Comestio locomotiva inappropriata. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.