UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has taken 47 variations of the first-day-of-school photo. The kid is holding a chalkboard with the wrong date. The dog is in two of the shots. The kid's hair is now messed up. Patient is running late to drop-off. A photo will be posted. It will have a filter.
Annual. Escalates with each sibling.
Untreatable. The chalkboard will be fixed next year.
Patients with Terminal First-Day-of-School Photo Perfectionism typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal First-Day-of-School Photo Perfectionism belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Imago prima scholastica obsessiva, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.