UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient exhibits a pathological belief that reality is unfolding as a narrative in which they are the central, indispensable figure. Triggered by slow walkers, mild inconveniences, and the sound of other people talking.
Incurable. Will worsen after watching a coming-of-age film with a decent soundtrack.
No treatment exists. Avoid mirrors, journaling apps, and any café with exposed brickwork.
Patients with Acute Main Character Syndrome typically present with some or all of the following:
Acute Main Character Syndrome belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Protagonistis narcissica chronica, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.