UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's first child had sanitized toys, organic purees, and a 4-page birth plan. Their third child is eating goldfish crackers off the floor while watching Cocomelon on an iPad at 9 PM. Patient sees this and feels, genuinely, fine. The third child is, statistically, doing great.
Permanent. The standards have been revised downward.
None. The standards work.
Patients with Terminal Third-Kid Parenting Relaxation typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Third-Kid Parenting Relaxation is a terminal behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Vigilantia parentalis decrescens — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.