UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's 4th-grader brought home a report card with mostly 'meeting expectations' marks. Patient has now asked seven other parents, casually, what their kids got. Three answered with their kids' 'exceeds expectations' counts. Patient is now drafting an email to the teacher asking for 'areas of growth.' The 4th-grader is fine. The 4th-grader is, in fact, thriving.
Chronic. Intensifies each grading period.
None. The teacher's reply will generate 14 more questions.
Patients with Terminal Kid-Comparison Report-Card Spiral typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Kid-Comparison Report-Card Spiral was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Comparatio scholastica obsessiva — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.