UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's four-year-old was walking perfectly 40 seconds ago. They are now, entirely without warning, boneless. Their legs are gone. They cannot move. They must be carried. The distance to the car is approximately 14 feet. The four-year-old is 38 pounds. Patient's own back has not recovered from the last time this happened, which was Tuesday. It will happen again Thursday.
Chronic. Activates specifically in parking lots and airport terminals.
None. Bribing with snacks has worked three times and failed sixteen.
Patients with Terminal Invisible-Floor Legs typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Invisible-Floor Legs present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Crura infantis liquefacta, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.