UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient receives a message that appears, in the group chat, as a green bubble. Without conscious thought, patient's internal register shifts. The green bubble is, to them, slightly lower-status. Has, on occasion, said 'oh, you have an Android?' in a tone patient believed was neutral. The tone was not neutral. The DOJ, in fact, has cited this exact pattern in an antitrust filing.
Chronic. The reflex has been documented by federal prosecutors.
None. Apple has, formally, acknowledged the problem while benefiting from it.
Patients with Terminal Green-Bubble Shaming Reflex typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Green-Bubble Shaming Reflex present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Pudor bullae viridis automaticus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.