UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has received the text 'we need to talk' at 11:47 AM. It is now 11:52 AM. Patient's life is flashing before his eyes. She will not be home until 6.
The waiting is the condition. The conversation is always about the thermostat.
There is no treatment. Asking for a preview violates the unspoken terms of the text.
Patients with Severe 'We Need to Talk' Dread Response typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe 'We Need to Talk' Dread Response belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Colloquium seriosum terror, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.