UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient approaches the water fountain and finds one person actively filling a 40oz Stanley cup. Patient does not know how long this will take. Has now circled the equipment twice pretending to look busy. Is developing mild dehydration. Will not make eye contact. The Stanley, somehow, is still filling.
Chronic. Every Stanley cup extends the queue anxiety.
None. Bringing own water is, apparently, not a solution that occurs.
Patients with Severe Water Fountain Queue Paralysis typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Water Fountain Queue Paralysis belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Linea aquarum hesitatio, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.