UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has, across 22 months, announced — at parties, on social media, and in one deleted Reddit comment — that they are 'personally offended' by a reboot of something they loved in their childhood. The reboot has not, in fact, been watched. The original is, patient will concede, watched approximately every three years. The outrage is, structurally, nostalgia-protectionism; the nostalgia has been, on examination, for a show patient has forgotten most of the plot of.
Chronic. Each reboot announcement activates the outrage cycle afresh.
None. Actually watching the reboot would deprive the outrage of its preferred state.
Patients with Severe Reboot-Outrage Commitment typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Severe Reboot-Outrage Commitment present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Ira pro-originalis permanens, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.