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Patient conducts personal phone calls on loudspeaker in public places. Holds the phone horizontally, fifteen centimeters from their face, at full volume. The entire Starbucks knows that Aunt Linda is upset about the casserole. Three tables have stopped working. Aunt Linda sounds exhausted.
Worsens with age. First observed in grandparents, now cross-generational.
Untreatable. Headphones are viewed with structural suspicion.
Patients with Severe Phone-On-Speaker Syndrome typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Severe Phone-On-Speaker Syndrome present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Conloquium publicum magnificum, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.