UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has decided to carry the couch upstairs alone. A friend, or a second person, was available. Patient declined. The couch weighs 140 pounds. Patient is currently halfway up the stairs, wedged at an angle, unable to go forward or back. Is breathing heavily. Is sweating. Has not asked for help. Will not ask for help. The situation has been stable for 11 minutes.
Chronic. Each solo carry is an attempt to beat the previous one.
None. Asking for help would, apparently, invalidate the attempt.
Patients with Severe One-Trip Furniture Carry typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe One-Trip Furniture Carry belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Portatio structuralis singularis, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.