UNTREATABLE.COM
Condition File

Severe Oldest Child CEO Disorder

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
SEVERE
Diagnosis
Severe Oldest Child CEO Disorder
Primogenitus rector absolutus
Clinical description

Patient's eldest child is nine years old and has appointed themselves the third parent. Issues corrective guidance to their younger siblings on matters including teeth brushing, shoe placement, and whether the parents' new couch-buying decision is, in their view, sound. Reports rule violations unprompted. Has, at dinner, said 'so what's on everyone's agenda tomorrow.' Patient is not sure when this became their life.

Prognosis

Chronic. Escalates as younger siblings arrive.

Recommended treatment

None. Oldest has, in many ways, earned the position.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Severe Oldest Child CEO Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Severe Oldest Child CEO Disorder was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.

The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Primogenitus rector absolutus β€” fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.

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