UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's child has woken up with a slight cough. Patient has, in the last 40 seconds, calculated: how important the work meeting is, which parent has less on their calendar, whether the nanny can come early, whether the grandmother owes one, and whether the cough is 'performance' or 'real.' Has made eye contact with spouse. Neither has broken. This will take longer.
Chronic. Cough season runs November through April.
None. The staring has begun.
Patients with Pathological Sick-Kid Backup Calculus typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Pathological Sick-Kid Backup Calculus — a pathological condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Mathematica absentiae scholaris. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.