UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient feels phantom vibrations up to 47 times per hour. Has checked a powered-off phone on more than one occasion. Reacts to other people's notifications as if they were their own.
No recovery documented in clinical literature.
Airplane mode triggers a separate anxiety condition.
Patients with Hyperactive Notification Vigilance typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Hyperactive Notification Vigilance present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Ding-ding paranoia acuta, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.