UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's iPhone 14 still works. Battery is at 89%. All apps run. Camera is fine. Patient ordered the iPhone 16 yesterday. Has justified the purchase via 'the camera is significantly better,' which is accurate for 4K video patient will not record and low-light photography patient will not do. The 14 has been traded in for $184. The 14 was, apparently, fine.
Chronic. The upgrade cycle runs shorter than the device's actual lifespan.
None. The 16 will be traded in for the 18.
Patients with Compulsive Device-Upgrade Urgency typically present with some or all of the following:
Compulsive Device-Upgrade Urgency was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Renovatio telephonica prematura — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.