UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient cannot drive past a stray animal without pulling over. Has been 40 minutes late to three different meetings this month. Keeps a spare leash, a slip lead, and a can of cat food in their car 'just in case.' Their partner has stopped inviting them to time-sensitive events.
Chronic. Worsens during kitten season.
Untreatable. The trunk is essentially a mobile rescue.
Patients with Chronic Stray-Rescue Bystander Compulsion typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Chronic Stray-Rescue Bystander Compulsion present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Salvatio animalis errantis spontanea, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.