UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient stands forty centimeters behind the person using the ATM at a gas station. Makes no sound. Does not acknowledge the space. The person at the machine has now entered the wrong PIN twice and is emotionally unable to continue. Patient has not moved.
Unchanging. The space, apparently, is shared.
Stepping back does not help. They step forward.
Patients with Chronic ATM Proximity Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Chronic ATM Proximity Disorder present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Cashmachina proximitas hostilis, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.