UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient delivers a full-diaphragm, 94-decibel sneeze in enclosed public spaces and does not cover. Looks around immediately afterward as if surveying for damage. Maintains direct eye contact during the three-second recovery phase. Has done this in a library. A coworker once described the sound as 'architectural.'
Chronic. Worsens in quiet rooms.
None. Adjacent patrons are advised to change seats before the second sneeze arrives.
Patients with Catastrophic Sneeze Deployment typically present with some or all of the following:
Catastrophic Sneeze Deployment is a catastrophic behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Sternutatio explosiva inappropriata — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.