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Patient has a drawer — or a Tupperware, or an unused mug, or a dedicated shelf — containing 94 packets of takeout sauce that have never been opened. Soy sauce from 2019. Chick-fil-A Polynesian older than the youngest child. Taco Bell Fire and Hot Sauce in approximate parity. Patient does not use them. Patient also does not throw them away. Each new delivery adds another six.
Chronic. The drawer is now, functionally, a museum.
None. Throwing one away feels like waste.
Patients with Acute Sauce Packet Preservation Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Acute Sauce Packet Preservation Disorder — an acute condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Cumulatio sauce papyrus eternus. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.