UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient cannot stop chewing ice. Has a 40oz Stanley cup permanently loaded. Crunches through it, refills, crunches again. Has done this in meetings, in the car, in bed. Co-workers have commented. Patient's dentist has commented. Patient has not, however, mentioned it to a physician. The craving is, technically, not normal. The dental bill, one day, will be the signal.
Chronic. Worsens during periods of low energy or fatigue.
Untreatable at this level. A physician with actual credentials would be more useful than our paperwork — specifically, ask about iron levels.
Patients with Acute Pagophagia Compulsion typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Acute Pagophagia Compulsion present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Gustus glaciei compulsivus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.