UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient swore they would 'never be like my mother' and is now cutting their 7-year-old's apple into 'fun shapes' while announcing the calorie count. Has said 'you're not hungry, you're bored' in their own mother's voice. Has a kitchen drawer of portion-control rings. The kid just wanted a sandwich.
Chronic. The voice is, apparently, inherited.
Untreatable. A physician with actual credentials would be more useful than our paperwork.
Patients with Terminal Almond Mom Relapse typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Almond Mom Relapse present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Mater nucis hereditas perpetua, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
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