UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient applied their cologne this morning. Applied it generously. Applied it, in fact, in three separate bursts — one to each side of the neck and a third to the chest. The resulting cloud is detectable in a room 90 seconds after patient has left it. A coworker has developed a headache and cannot isolate the cause. It is this.
Chronic. Olfactory self-perception is fully offline.
None. Patient cannot smell their own cologne at this concentration.
Patients with Severe Cologne Cloud Deployment typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Severe Cologne Cloud Deployment present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Odoratus excessivus perfusus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.