UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has cleaned their car three times this month. Has not cleaned the bathroom in 11 weeks. Spends 47 minutes on Sunday mornings detailing the interior. Spends approximately 4 minutes on Sunday mornings greeting their partner. The partner has stopped commenting on the car. The partner now describes it, internally, as 'the other relationship.' The car does not reciprocate. Neither, recently, does the partner.
Chronic. Seasonal detail intensifies in spring.
None. A physician with actual credentials would be more useful than our paperwork.
Patients with Chronic Vehicular-Affection Displacement typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Vehicular-Affection Displacement belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Amor machinae prae coniuge, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.