UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's friend took four hours to reply to a text. Patient has now privately opened an investigation into whether their friends, plural, actually like them or are just being polite. Has reviewed recent group-chat engagement for evidence. Has found some ambiguous data. Has concluded, provisionally, that nobody really likes them but everyone is too nice to say so. The friend, meanwhile, was in a meeting.
Chronic. Every response delay is interpreted as diagnostic.
None. A physician with actual credentials would be more useful than our paperwork.
Patients with Chronic Do-They-Actually-Like-Me Audit typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Do-They-Actually-Like-Me Audit was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Dubium amicitiae fundamentale — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.