UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has closed all three Apple Watch rings for 847 consecutive days. At 11:47 PM, with 14 active minutes to go, patient is doing jumping jacks in a quiet hallway. Their spouse is asleep. Patient will not break the streak. Has done this while sick, while on a plane, and on their honeymoon.
Chronic. The streak now governs all scheduling.
None. An outage in San Francisco once threatened the chain and was, apparently, traumatic.
Patients with Advanced Apple Watch Ring Closing Obsession typically present with some or all of the following:
Advanced Apple Watch Ring Closing Obsession belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Circulus malum conclusio compulsiva, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.