UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's morning begins at 4:47 AM and includes 14 distinct steps, three of which involve ice. Arrives at work exhausted. Films the routine.
Will add a step.
Incurable. Sleep is the sacrifice.
Patients with Acute Morning-Routine Performance typically present with some or all of the following:
Acute Morning-Routine Performance belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Rutinam theatricus quinquehoras, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.