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Condition File

Terminal Pumpkin-Patch Mandate

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
TERMINAL
Diagnosis
Terminal Pumpkin-Patch Mandate
Curcubita autumnalis obligatoria
Clinical description

Patient has, every October, required a pumpkin-patch excursion. There must be three outfits, two lattes, and a flannel. The pumpkin is symbolic. It will rot on the porch.

Prognosis

Annual. Each year's version is staged harder than the last.

Recommended treatment

None. Refusal triggers a passive-aggressive pumpkin soup all November.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Terminal Pumpkin-Patch Mandate typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

This is the Institute's entry for Terminal Pumpkin-Patch Mandate β€” a terminal condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.

Formal name: Curcubita autumnalis obligatoria. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.

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